How To Throw The Best Baby Shower

Ok, I don’t have a baby, but I’ve been to enough showers now to know what is needed and how to throw the most bad ass baby shower that your kid will look back at and thank Jesus he/she came out ok.

First thing you need are the basic essentials: cake, booze, booze, and booze.

There’s nothing that screams “I’m being born into a dysfunctional home” quite like this. No. Just no in so many ways.

Booze. Mixers for booze. Yep, this is going to be a happy, happy home.

How much Hennessy is required for the BEST BABY SHOWER EVER?! 4. Also, a case of Red Bull, Alize, Hpnotiq, Grey Goose, and a lot of other stuff I’m 99% sure is not suitable for pregnant ladies.

Next you need your outfit.

Just because you’re pregnant doesn’t mean you can’t have guys staring blatantly at your ass right chula?! Be careful sitting down though girl, no one wants to see that baby crowning.

Wardrobe change! Nothing says “I’m ready to be a mom” like 2 wardrobe changes! Get it girl! Show those bountiful boobs with that low cut dress.

Now after your over 200 person baby shower is over, you are ready to have your baby. Just don’t forget to let everyone know about it first! FACEBOOK STATUS!”