FASHION

No-Pants Party

Written by Aliza

Now, I would say that I’m starting the no-pants revolution, but after a little bit of diligent, pantless research, I’ve discovered that such a revolution is not only underway, but thriving to boot.

I’ll throw it out there: I hate pants. They’re rigid, constricting and an evil invention forced onto us by societal “norms” and what some people like to call “convention.” This isn’t to say I’m so into other acceptable options, like skirts, because I’m not really feeling those either (although they are a step up from pants). I’m talking one-pieces. Call them what you will. Rompers. Jumpsuits. Leotards. Preferably if they have spandex. The index of how much I love the outfit involves a directly proportional relationship between spandex and fun.

Recently I’ve found some viable options from American Apparel. My go-to source for everything pantless and also for everything awesome. Here are a few of my favorites:

Nylon Spandex Mico-Mesh Bodysuit in Black

Nylon Spandex Mico-Mesh Bodysuit in Black

Cotton Spandex Jersey Strapless Ruched Bodysuit

Cotton Spandex Jersey Strapless Ruched Bodysuit

Tri-Blend Halter Romper

Tri-Blend Halter Romper

Now, as you can see, American Apparel is clearly promoting the “wear pants, have more fun” mentality of which I am a hardcore devotee. What really trips my trigger though is that there aren’t more retailers and designers jumping on this bandwagon o’fun.

I would love for every single woman on the planet (men, you’re next) to experience the freedom of not having to put on pants. You can’t wear a one-piece and not have fun. It’s almost like how you can’t watch Rock of Love and not vomit. It’s inevitable, it’s unexplainable, and it makes you feel like you need a drink.

I do, however, have one high-profile guest at the no-pants party. Ladies and gentlemen, Lady GaGa:

As you can see in figures 1-4, she is whole-heartedly embracing pantless freedom. She looks happy, carefree, and just a little bit sexy. As opposed to figure 5, in which she is wearing pants, and looks like she is almost distraught, literally pushing the world away as if saying, “Please, don’t look at me, I’m hideous.”

Act fast and pick up your pantless gear, the revolution is coming.

About the author

Aliza

a born and bred Manhattan-ite who graduated Lehigh University in 2007 with a degree in Journalism. She currently lives with her two patient roommates and works for Valentino Fashion Group where she handles a lot of garment bags, answers a lot of phones, and does a lot of what anyone tells her to (most eagerly in PR and Marketing). She favors brunch over lunch, heels over flats, tequila over vodka, downtown over uptown, and a tropical destination over pretty much anything else in the world.

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