Octomom: The Musical

Octomom: The Musical is a true effing story.  I wish I could tell you that I’m just Joshin’ ya, but I’m not.  According to several VERY reputable sources, the musical is set to open in Los Angeles this June.

Chris Voltaire is the writer-director, and offers some helpful tips to actors wishing to be cast, “If you look like Angelina Jolie it helps. If you have pole dancing experience as well it’s good.”

Sweet.  Big Lips? Check. Long dark hair? Check. Able to swing from a pole? Signing up for an S-Factor class now.

Here’s a bit of the script that I think you’ll enjoy!

Excerpt: Octomom: The Musical

Scene Six: The Doctor’s Office

The Doctor opens the door and carries a bit of a diabolical aura in his behavior. Octo holds out her hand. The Doctor kisses it gently.

OCTO: I need more babies.
THE DOCTOR: I love you too…wait…what?
OCTO: I need more babies!
THE DOCTOR: OK…what were you considering?
OCTO: Two, maybe three or four, actually five, how about six…
THE DOCTOR: I can’t. I have a medical responsibility. The answer is no.

Octo sings.

OCTO:

I CAME TO SEE YOU CAUSE I THOUGHT I KNEW
HAVING MORE BABIES WOULD FULFILL MY NEEDS
BUT SEEING YOU AGAIN I MUST REVIEW
PERHAPS I NEED THE MAN AND NOT THE SEEDS…

She turns away. The Doctor follows.

THE DOCTOR:

YOUR BIG BROWN EYES CAUSE CHILLS TO RUN IN ME
I FEEL SO STERILE WHEN YOU’RE NOT NEARBY
I AM THE CHEF WITH THE RIGHT RECIPE
I’LL PLANT YOUR UTERUS, LET’S MULTIPLY!

OCTO:

NO, THE MAGICS GONE, IT’S DISAPPEARED
CAN YOU UNDERSTAND ITS JUST SO WEIRD
CAN YOU HEAR WHAT I SAY, I FEEL EMPTY HERE AND HERE,
THIS IS JUST WHAT I FEARED.

Octo turns to the Doctor.

OCTO:

REMEMBER OUR GOOD TIMES AT ULTRASOUND
DILATE MY CERVIX AND THE INCUBUS
SO TAKE MY HAND FOR ONE MORE GO-AROUND
A MAGIC TANGO IN MY UTERUS…

THE DOCTOR:

DON’T STOP NOW, THIS EXCITES ME.
WE CAN BE A COUPLE DIFFERENTLY
AND I GET WHAT YOU SAY, WHAT YOU MEAN AND MUST AGREE
I”LL MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE!
End Scene