Let’s just get right to this.
1. With gay friends, you’ll never walk out of the house in an ugly outfit. They are exponentially more honest than their straight counterparts, so if you’re trying to go out in a dress that makes you look like Laura Ingalls Wilder churning butter on the prairie, get ready to be stopped at the door by the fashion police. It’s always for your own good.
2. They won’t abandon you to go get married. Don’t you hate it when a friend is all fun and easygoing, then all of a sudden they get married and turn serious and quaint and Martha Stewart-y? This will not happen with the gays. They will very seldom be serious or quaint. I can’t guarantee anything about the Martha Stewart-y part, but that’s not always bad as long as you possess an equal amount of funness to balance it out.
3. Free drinks. One time I was out with Gary, and this guy bought me a drink just because he wanted to talk to him. Also, fun fact: gay bars (at least in NYC) are treasure troves of straight bartenders who will give you free drinks just because they’re excited that you’re a real girl.
4. They’ll only judge you for your clothes, not your actions, A.K.A. what’s really important. You can do ballet in nightclubs or rap an entire song at the dinner table all you want, but try and put on a Hollister cardigan, and that’s where the problems start.
5. Somehow they’re not as annoying when they say they’re fat. Whenever girls say they’re fat, I want to kick them with my spiked Jeffrey Campbells (myself included ), but when the gays say it, it’s weirdly ok. I think it’s because the self-criticism never lasts long or ruins their fun in any way like it can when girls feel fat. Gays are better at reigning in their body dysmorphia.
Time to go evaluate your friend group.