As a gay man, I am not familiar with the exact chemical reactions involved in creating life – in fact if it doesn’t come with a box that includes directions I am pretty helpless. I assume it is similar to the reaction depicted in the photo above: vertical stripes + horizontal stripes = a sensible plaid.
Upsetting this delicate balance, however, is never a good idea. So here are five reasons you shouldn’t schtup your siblings.
1. Your babies will be mongoloids. I say this from a purely superficial standpoint because the world we live in is difficult enough for people who have all their teeth. If you have your offspring with a sibling, there is a 160% chance that it will look like a cross between Tyra Banks, Flava Flav, Jewel’s snaggle tooth, and a naked mole-rat.
2.Family trees are already cryptic and difficult. In many cultures around the world it is customary to have many children–in fact one of my good Jewish friends has so many cousins her family tree is a redwood. Don’t make your children have to explain that they are in fact, their own cousin.
3. Thanksgiving dinners are awkward and painful enough without seeing a bunch of pictures of Mommy and Daddy playing doctor in their jammies.
4. There are gazillions of other people out there. Chances are that at least one of them will f*ck, if not procreate with you. If they agree to f*ck but not procreate, just trick them by ripping a hole in the condom with your incisor. I understand the desire for a family as much as the next chap, but there is no reason that you can’t do it with a stranger like a normal person.
5. Birth defects. Horrible anomalies like white rappers, third nipples, male pattern baldness, and outtie belly buttons have been scientifically proven (by me) to be direct results of incest. Don’t put your child at risk. Copulate in someone else’s gene pool.
