Why Is Fruit So Weird?

Written by corey

Can’t we just stick to the normal shit? Seriously.

When it comes to summer snacks, I tend to stick the easy things: whiskey and ice cream. It’s just the best way to go about things, and you won’t be disappointed by something crazy sour or bitter. Now, there’s something called “Witch Fingers” and “Cotton Candy Grapes.”

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Cotton Candy Grapes, which is just some devil stuff. There’s this farm that specializes in special fruit, called Grapery. Allegedly, these seedless green grapes taste just like cotton candy. The trick, is that you have to sell yourself to the devil (or Elizabeth Hurley) to experience the taste. You get all the taste without any of that cotton candy sugar. I think it will also leave you addicted to serious drugs and without a job.

Then, pictured above are With Finger grapes — seriously, can we not? I think it’s just crazy that we need fruit to scare children. Like, look at the current job market, they’re already scared enough. Again, they’re allegedly really fun and sweet to eat. I disagree, because that is just crazy. Grapery suggests you serve them at a party, to see people’s faces. I warn you, they may call child protective services.


About the author


Corey is a self-proclaimed heiress and the love child of Anne Boleyn and Marie Antoinette. He's a thug in a cocktail dress with a penchant for open-bars and puns. He has his barista's call him Beyonce and he's never been to Brooklyn.

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