Lily Allen just dropped her new single and video (and this is a song I don’t want anyone to pick back-up). It starts off with the gal getting her fat sucked out because that’s how all music videos should start. The song is titled “Hard Out Here,” and she knows the struggle. Don’t we all? As she’s getting her fat sucked out, she commands the room and turns it into a full-on fashion shoot. It’s literally the most glamorous thing I’ve ever witnessed.
1) Can we talk about her high-pony? Anyone that gets on the operating table with a full on high-pony is someone I want to associate myself with. She’s literally perfect.
2) Moving down, her eye makeup! Those little jewels on her eyes when she blinks has my loins doing turns! She’s giving me all kinds of life.
3) That lip color.
4) The moment she gets off the table, she’s in this jumpsuit like apparatus of an outfit. And then she breaks down into this dance number and it’s like a rap video. Where’s 50 cent?
5) She knows “it’s hard out here for a bitch.” That’s the damn truth! Preach sister. Tell them like it is. You know it’s hard out there for us. We girls (read: gay men) need to stick together.
6) Did you see her nail art? I’m gagging at the computer screen because it’s so on point. Lily Allen you are queen. Queen is Lily Allen.
7) She knows how to properly eat a banana. You don’t just dive into it. You respect the banana. You thank the banana for it’s potassium. You lick around the banana. Then, when you sufficiently said thanks to the banana, you dive in.
8) Lily doesn’t care. Let them eat cake? No. Let them pour champagne all over each other and live life how it was supposed to be. I once witnessed a “champagne facial” take place. Let me tell you, I was not the same after that. I re-evaluated all my life choices and found myself here. Pouring champagne all over everything is for the better.
9) There’s twerking. I don’t care. I don’t care what you have to say. Twerking is a gift. I can’t twerk and I’ve done the field work. If I could shake my ass like that, I wouldn’t be single.
10) “Forget your balls, and grow a pair of tits.” I’ve been waiting for someone to say this. Balls? They’re disgusting. A testicle mascot? Please get out of here. Boobs? For sure.