Florida is not the south. It’s beyond the south. It’s where bath salts abound and people eat other people’s faces, where you can see a gorgeous beach, a meth lab, breathtaking wildlife, and someone doing heroin in the Everglades all in one day! Since the Sunshine State has developed such a weird, negative reputation, us Floridians must stick together and avoid falling victim to Florida-profiling. Let’s take a moment to appreciate the things only Floridians would know.
1. If you’re from Florida, you know that there are about 13 universities and countless other colleges, technical institutes, and private institutions in the state, yet somehow everyone is either a Gator or a Seminole. You could wear a brazen FSU or UF sweatshirt complete with face paint and maybe those sorority-esque ribbons in your hair, or you could take the more subtle route with a dainty piece of jewelry, like the necklace below. The Rara Avis by Iris Apfel Alligator drop necklace not only suggests that you might lean toward the UF side, but it’s also a subtle nod to Florida’s kind and gentle wildlife. A win-win!
2. Us Floridians know, once you’ve done the whole beach and Disney World thing, there’s not much else to do. Some people get a little stir crazy and commit strange crimes that probably wouldn’t happen if they were anywhere else. Take this Vero Beach mother for example:
3. Speaking of strange crimes, when you’re in FL, acts of cannibalism in the news are as common as Crocs, Uggs, and Guy Harvey tees being worn in public. Remember our bath salts friend?
4. See? Cannibalism and zombie attacks are the norm. Just another day in the Sunshine State. Even better, this one happened in Manatee County: my hometown 🙂
5. On a lighter note, something us Floridians love is PUBLIX. Publix subs, in particular. More people should try taking a bite out of a Publix sub, instead of their friend’s face or limb. You may move around the country and build a life outside of Florida, but shopping is never more of a pleasure than it is at Publix.
6. Remember Burdines? If you’re from Florida you do. Why’d you have to overthrow The Florida Store like that, Macy’s?
7. Another store exclusive to Florida is Bealls and Bealls Outlet (live the Florida lifestyle). I know I shopped in the Outlooks juniors department in middle school. How about you?
8. Floridians know that whenever they are in a different state (northern, in particular) or a different country, and they tell people they’re from Florida, the response is almost always: “Oh, so you’re from Miami?” No. “South Beach?” No.
9. You know you’re from Florida when you’ve lived elsewhere for many years, but you still find yourself hoping and praying that someone has taken down that Confederate flag over I-75.
10. No matter how many embarrassing things your state is known for, or how many times people chastise you for being from Florida, you are always proud to show where you came from. Wear a shirt like the one below, and tell the world, “Hey, I’m from Florida, and I did not have a child when I was 12, I did not become the Disney World type, I love all races, I don’t watch Fox News, and I still don’t know how to cook meth!” Get the shirt at TheHomeT.com.