Jerking You Around, Not Off

Sorry dudes, your little Asian sex tour that you had planned for Christmas ’09 needn’t include your much-awaited trip to the Shanghai Sperm Bank.  I know, you were all excited last year when reports came out that the Shanghai Sperm Bank would be issuing young female assistants to “help” donors submit their finest samples.  The assistants were supposed to be clad in cute little medical get-ups, complete with scrubs and masks.  The donors were supposed to be in typical in-patient garb.  It seriously was like a mega-medical fantasy and the donors were supposed to walk out with $30 US (up to 4 times a month).  Aside from the fact that getting jerked off and getting paid for it is basically ideal for every male I know, Chinese men were particularly excited at the prospect of participating because $120 US each month is pretty decent supplemental income.

Bad news… it turns out none of it’s true.  So, to all you Asian-lady loving boys out there (presumably most of the Jewish males in the world), you’ll have to get your thrills in nearby Thailand instead.  And you’ll have to pay, not get paid.  After the Renji Hospital was bombarded with inquiries, an official came forth to say, “These pictures are completely misleading.”  Li Jin continued by saying, “We never have female nurses assisting in sperm collection, which is done by the donor himself, alone in a special room.”

The hospital claims that it adheres to strict ethical guidelines, which apparently have nothing to do with the mental health of men under the age of 90.