As the weather changes, so do the relationship statuses on Facebook. The colder it gets, the more people pair off into relationships of convenience for the winter.
I know its going against God, science, and society, but I actually think its better to be single during the colder months. Here is why:
Traveling in winter is a frozen nightmare.
So you are dating a really hot guy/starving musician that can barely afford his skinny jeans. You live in Soho, and he lives in Bushwick. Do you know how vagina-chafingly cold it would be to travel to his apartment during the winter? Want a late-night booty call? Get ready for some clitoris icicles. By the time you trek through the snow and sludge to get to the railroad apartment he shares with 4 of his bandmates you probably won’t even be horny anymore.
Your sheets will be less sweaty.
Having a warm body in bed next to you might be nice sometimes, but just wait until your radiator kicks in and turns your apartment into a steamy jungle-like sauna from the 9th layer of Hell. Sleeping by yourself is preferable to sleeping beside a sweaty he-beast any day.
You can get fat.
We all pack on a few pounds during the colder months, but if you are single and unattached, you have no one to impress. All the layers will hide your glorious fupa, and you, and your baked potato won’t have anyone to answer to.
You can have more random sex.
Since everyone wants companionship during the winter, it’s a lot easier to get laid. Instead of having one guy waiting for you when you get home from work, you can have as many as you like. Plus, if you just hook up randomly you don’t have to answer to anyone, or travel to anyone else’s apartment.
No more street fights.
Whenever I think of relationships, I always think of street fights. Whether gay or straight, arguing in public is a rite of passage for a relationship. Fighting on the street in the dead of winter is not only annoying and inconvenient, but dangerous too. If you try to run away from your boyfriend you could slip on some ice and bruise your cooter-bone. Standing under an awning to discuss your sex life is just asking to be impaled by an icicle, and snowballs can be filled with all sorts of nasty things.
No boyfriend= no fighting, and a nice, long sex-fueled, drama free, donut-filled winter.
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