My sisters basically push babies out every time we have a full moon. I have so many nieces and nephews I have just started referring to them by numbers. Needless to say I know what a woman looks like before an after having a baby.
I don’t believe Beyonce gave birth.
While I don’t really think its any of my business, I do think that the efforts of the House of Dereon to hide this fact are hilarious. Here are my top 5 reasons why Beyonce did not just have a baby. Extreme breast-pumping my ass.
- Beyonce has unlimited resources. People in her position pay other people to tweet their experiences, schedule their lives, maintain their homes, and even wipe their asses with gold leaf benjamins. If you had the money to pay someone else’s vagina to pop out a kid, wouldn’t you?
- I am pretty sure Beyonce is sterile from a clever mixture consisting of both the cheap fabric that Tina Knowles used to hot glue onto her (when she was in that band with those other two girls), and the intense seething jealousy of Kelly Rowland, which crept into her womb late one night at a Sheraton in Dallas, and has rendered the area a disaster zone.
- A heterosexual baby can’t live in Swarovski encrusted uterus. It’s a fact.
- Lets just drop the pretenses, shall we? Jay-Z looks like an angry orangutan. Beyonce’s beauty may not have been strong enough to contribute the lions share of chromosomes.
- Beyonce makes her living by being beautiful, talented, and fabulous. Take away her weave, add a few stretch marks, and widen those hips by about 3 centimeters and she is just another Barbizon modeling reject trying as hard as she can to get on Atlanta’s Next Top Model. Dropping an 8 lb living deuce out of the wrong hole would kill the mystique.
