Awkward Spotting: A Sound Wave Bracelet

Ever wanted a really cool, awesome, totally stylish way to communicate to your kids not to do drugs? It has finally not arrived. This bracelet by Sound Cloud is meant as a way for parents to remind their kids not to do drugs, because obviously when a kid is deciding to do drugs they are looking down at their bracelet instead of at the peer-pressurized date-rapey faces of their friends. The idea is that you can record yourself saying something like “I believe in you” and when your kid sees it they are going to decide not to have a good time. My thought is that recording the phrase “I’m going to fucking kill you” might be a little more effective? Its my thought that parents shouldn’t try and keep their kids from making the same mistakes that they did, because obviously those parents got it together enough to not only have kids, but be well-adjusted enough to be worried about things like drug prevention instead of essing dee’s in a bus station bathroom to put food on the table. Its my thought that parents should educate their kids about drugs and side effects, and then let the kids make their own decision. Because newsflash: They are going to anyway. If you give them a bracelet like this, chances are they will use it as bong jewelry.

That is not to say that this bracelet doesn’t have practical uses- in fact I thought of one! For those girls who have that DJ boyfriend who is so sure he is going to make it big, even though his DJ name is DJ Deejay, you should buy him this bracelet. Tell him the soundwaves spell out “I believe in your talent.” Then, when you break up with him because he spent the rent money on tickets to Electric Zoo and MDMA, revel to him that it actually spells out: “You have a tiny gerbil-sized penis” or “Get a life, get a job, and stop stop making my ears bleed.”

Is the general idea for this bracelet a good idea? Yes. There are a few ex boyfriends I would like to send a soundwave bracelet to just to say “I hope your genitals have rotted off”. But using a bracelet to try and keep your kids from doing drugs is much more awkward than just telling them the truth.

That you, yourself did drugs in the 70’s and you are still alive.