If you haven’t taken up residence beneath a rock, you know that big fringe necklaces are totally having a moment. They are possibly the 2nd biggest piece of statement jewelry next to an engagement ring– because they announce to the world with certainty that you simply don’t have the intention of eating.
Think about it: where do you wear statement necklaces? Out to dinner with someone special, nights out on the town, and/or special occasions. Just about all of these instances invariably offer some level of food, and you simply cannot eat and wear a fringe necklace at the same time.
1. Imagine yourself with a plunging neckline and a fringe necklace on a romantic date. You’re out at the chicest restaurant in town, throwing back champagne and ceviche like the world is about to end, leaning forward gently over the candlelight. YOUR BIG FRINGE NECKLACE CATCHES FIRE. There’s an alternative to this, YOUR BIG FRINGE NECKLACE CATCHES WEIRD DROPLETS OF GARLIC OIL AND PERMANENTLY SMELLS LIKE YOUR ARMPIT AFTER EATING ITALIAN.
2. You’re with your girls just trying to get your dance on. You’re moving all over the dance floor, high on life, but your big fringe necklace is slapping you in the chest each time you shimmy to the beat so you sit down at the table you nabbed, resigning to gin and tonic and an order of french fries because why not? You’re a little tipsy, so obviously there’s a major ketchup mishap all up on your accessories and there’s simply no elegant way to get Heinz 57 out of your silk-tassle $193 necklace you picked up on your quarter life crisis trip to Myanmar. You either swear to never wear this necklace again, swear to never eat with it on again, or realize it’s too much trouble and give it away to less socially-active person in your life.
3. You wear it to a wedding. Why? Why did you choose this? This is likely costume jewelry, and that already means it was not the top pick on the list of super-elegant-for-all-eternity items. That’s OK though, let’s move beyond that, because your college roommate’s wedding is buffet style and if you want to eat you literally have to stand like a damn Marine at the buffet table as to not dangle your tassles in everyone’s mashed potatoes. If you stand that way, you look creepy and there’s a 100% chance some wayward uncle will offer you a roofied drink. If you dangle your jazz all over the food, everyone will think you’re a disgusting Petri dish.
From the first day you wear one of these neckpieces you learn that dinner is out of the question, so continuing to wear it is basically a public display of food abstinence. There’s a chance you’re a deeply spiritual fashion monk, though. If so, may your neck be draped with extra long layers of glory, silk, and protruding collar bones.
[ image/necklace via LenaBernard.com ]
