Bryce Gruber’s Thoughts of the Day (sinus infection edition)

Written by Bryce

Crap volcano action, butt beads, and Jewy geishas.

Nobody can stop you but you. And shame on you if you’re the one who stops yourself. -Damon Wayans

1. A Pooptastrophe in NYC. Yesterday was a particularly beautiful day in NYC- the sun was shining, the air was crisp and dry, and there was a breeze just strong enough to keep the entire population at a comfortable t-shirt and jeans level. I decided I’d take Benny up to visit one of my best friends on the Upper East Side to see her gorgeous 3 month old and take a stroll to the playground. All was well until we had been at the playground for about 45 minutes:

Benny: Mommy, Mommy… Benny poopdied.

Me: OK, let me get some wipes and a new diaper. Wait right there.

Just then, I saw the look of horror on his face. A second later I saw the mess running down his legs. My kid had a shit volcano that erupted all over the Upper East Side of Manhattan. There was no warning, explanation, or solace to be found. I must’ve used an entire case of wipes and had to just get rid of the entire outfit. Shoes included. And then I realized what a ridiculous twist of fate (and proof that the universe is laughing at me) that I make a career of writing about luxury and living well when I’m not chasing shit all over NYC. Literally. Somehow it’s all worth it though.

2. Beads Dress ANYTHING Up. I also had a long talk about about femininity and dressing like a non-lesbian with a close friend of mine who has been struggling with this since she’s simply too busy with work, traveling, friendships, and just about everything else to really invest herself in fashion. Fashion doesn’t necessarily rule the world, but your outward image is often a projection of what’s going on inside, and it also very often determines the kind of people you attract. This friend of mine really wants to attract a man that she can fall in love with and respect forever, so I suggested that she take it easy on the biker-chick clothes and go for softer fabrics and colors. She took the suggestion to heart and sent me a text about it.

Rebecca: I wore a girly outfit today! Black leggings, white flowy shirt, and a beaded necklace!

Me: Beads are awesome. They make everything better. That’s why gay guys put them in their butts.

Rebecca: That’s so true!

3. Speaking of Gay Men… I spent Saturday afternoon dressed as a Geisha to help my friend Jason out. Yes, the same Jason that had me take two back to back yoga classes that left my body aching. But a friend is a friend, so I stripped down and wrapped my body in floral silk, pulled my hair back tightly, covered my face in white grease paint, and stained my lips cherry red. I was the first ever Jewish geisha, and trust me, even with white grease there’s just no hiding my Jewy features. Check me out as the new face of a famed and prominent art show in the U.S.:

About the author


Bryce Gruber is a Manhattanite mom who can be found jet-setting off to every corner of the globe. She loves exotic places, planes with WiFi, summer clothes, & Sucre brown butter truffles. Bryce's aim is to do to luxury what Elton John did to being gay. Follow her on twitter @brycegruber


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