Bryce Gruber’s Thoughts of the Day (purple dress edition)

I try to exist in a world where there is freedom of opinion, where you’re allowed to make jokes. I don’t want to live in some PC world where no-one’s allowed to say anything. -Boy George

1. Whoa. I went out with some old friends and new last night in celebration of a relatively new friend’s 30-somethingth birthday. We ended up at some freestyle open mic rap bar that was pretty incredible, followed by a party full of naked people. That’s right. Naked. People. They were covered in paint head to toe. I took Gay Gary as my date, and obviously he was excited to see a bunch of artistic schlongs hanging around… so I left him there and found a typically hostile NYC cab driver to take me home. Oh, and I ended up with flowers in my hair by a urinal at some point in an effort to protect Gary from trannies in the basement bathroom.

2. Ex Boyfriend’s Momma. Let this be an open letter to a certain dude that I dated a few years ago. I stress that it was a few years ago.

Dear Ex,

It’s now been nearly 4 years since we broke up. You are now married. You vowed to hate me forever when I said I couldn’t ever exchange vows with you. You went ballistic when you found out I had a new boyfriend, and then truly off the deep end when you found out I was pregnant with his kid. You apparently hadn’t told your friends and family that we had broken up nearly a year before that, because you felt the need to lie to everyone we knew mutually (including several of your family members that I grew close to in the 4 years we were together). You told them I ran off to Europe, had random sex, and got pregnant with some mysterious child. That simply wasn’t true… but I understood your hurt and embarrassment, so I let it go. I even let it go when you still owed me a six figure sum. I let it go when you used that money to buy an engagement ring for your now wife.

I haven’t seen you in ages, nor do I care to, but I’m officially annoyed as hell now that your mom is spreading BS gossip about me all over NYC. Consider this an invitation to tell the truth for a change… that we broke up fair and square, that I don’t have any reason to be in touch with you, that my son is perfectly fine and the love of my life, and that the condo you own should really be in my name. Since it looks like I can’t count on you to be truthful and respectful, I’ll leave this semi-anonymous open letter on the internet so your friends, family, and anyone we may know mutually can read it.

That’s all for now. And hopefully forever.

Love always,

Bryce

3. You Know What I Love? Plain frozen yogurt covered in raspberries, dark chocolate chips, yogurt chips, and mashed up twix bars. If you have any interest in having a completely satisfying fro-yo experience, I wholeheartedly recommend my special concoction.

4. And I’ve been listening to this a bunch… I’ve had this on my playlist for years, but it’s recently come back into my faves and I can’t get enough of it. I sing and dance to this one with my son almost every day!