Bryce Gruber’s Thoughts of the Day (things got wild edition)

“Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.” ~Groucho Marx

1. I Successfully Reclaimed My Youth. If you read Friday’s Thoughts, you’re already aware that this weekend was basically 48 hours of me reclaiming my youth. I slept in. I went out. I ate cookies. It was perfectly delicious in every possible way. Last night I headed to my good friend Mindy’s birthday party in Manhattan and then my friend Jeremy’s in some wild place in Brooklyn. The two parties couldn’t have been more opposite- Mindy’s was in a decidedly cool sports bar in a “let’s go out and party” area of town and Jeremy’s was a Warhol-themed den of wildness and things I still can’t quite explain. It should be noted that I also learned a lesson that I’ve learned so many times before- I have a super low tolerance. By the end of 1 drink I was dressing my crotch in aluminum foil for an “intergalactic space lovers” scene with Jeremy’s brother and some awesomely anonymous chick with a blue wig. Priceless.

2. Do You Know Natalie? I met a girl named Natalie last night at the sports bar in Manhattan that shouted out “Bryce!” as soon as I walked through the door. I assumed I knew her because she knew my name, was at my friend’s birthday bar, and sort of looked like someone I might’ve gone to school, camp, or shared a boyfriend with. As is turns out, she happens to read this delightful website (if I do say so myself), and totally made my day when she told me that’s where she recognized me from. So, Natalie that writes for Rolling Stone, thanks for totally making my day!

3. Gary Taught Me How to Make a Man Blow His Load in Under 1 Minute. So last night Gary and I were dancing the night away at that wild Brooklyn party when I confessed that I’m not sure if I’m very good at blowjobs because I haven’t given very many and they’ve been spread apart time-wise. He looked at me with deep, sincere concern and then grabbed the nearest whiskey bottle to give me a tutorial on. He explained that what he was about to teach me was going to change my life, my boyfriend’s life, and that his advice was to be totally trusted because he’s a man that blows lots of men. I now have a video that measures about 72 seconds on my iPhone with pretty intense details. I will happily publish this if I get Gary’s written consent. Gary, please give your consent as a comment on this post if you’re down with me publishing the video.

4. I Love My Friends. They’re all fantastic specimens of the human race. Here’s some photo evidence: