But that wife of his, Eleanor

An interesting piece of information was released this week to the pop-culture-obsessed masses and my eagerness to comment on it left me as sleepless as Andy Dick on a bender. So, here it is: Linsday Lohan has finally devoted precious interview time to the topic of her lesbian relationship. 1. It’s about time and 2. I no longer have to imagine her naked freckly body intertwined with Samantha Ronson’s boyish, pasty body while wondering what the status of their relationship is!

Now, before we all break out our Jump to Conclusions mat, Lohan would like us all to know that she would not like to be classified as a lesbian. True, there’s probably enough scissoring in that bed of theirs to cut out a multitudinous number of paper snowflakes, but lesbian she is not. It is safe to say there are enough activities in that household that begin with the word muff and end with the word diving to scuba themselves to Fiji but Lohan, to use an overused metaphor, does not bat for the team with vaginas.

Here are some highlights from the Harper’s Bazaar interview:

“I think it’s pretty obvious who I’m seeing,” Lindsay told the magazine, which hits newsstands November 18. “I think it’s no shock to anyone that it’s been going on for quite some time… She’s a wonderful person and I love her very much.”

I don’t want to classify myself,” she continued. “First of all, you never know what’s going to happen — tomorrow, in a month, a year from now, five years from now. I appreciate people, and it doesn’t matter who they are, and I feel blessed to be able to feel comfortable enough with myself that I can say that.”

 While Samantha is the first woman Lindsay has admitted to dating publicly, when asked if she had previously “been with a girl” by Harper’s, the actress replied, “I don’t know, maybe.”

Oh Lindsay, this explains so much! Like that time you shyly asked if I’d like to come up to your apartment and watch Gossip Girl episodes and I totally thought you wanted to be my new best friend but it turns out I’m like the only one on the planet who didn’t know that “watching Gossip Girl episodes” was code for kissing and light touching.

In a completely significant footnote, Lohan has also recently come out with her own line of line of leggings, 6126, which is code for “I’m a lesbian.”