Lindsay Lohan, jewelry thief, has been sentenced to 120 days in jail after violating her probation last year. As I’ve mentioned before, girlfriend needs to accept her future as property of the state and get thee to jail already. What is she so afraid of? Bitch was in ‘Mean Girls’. She can hold her own.
In celebration of the color orange and growing out that God-awful bleach job she’s committed to, let’s take a look back at how jail has helped other celebrities get their proverbial shit together.
Paris Hilton – After violating the terms of her probation in 2007, Paris served about 50% of her 45-day sentence from her private cell at the Century Regional detention center in Lynwood, CA. Post-jail, she shopped around for a new BFF via her MTV reality show, Paris Hilton’s My New BFF (which enjoyed several iterations) and starred in the Funny or Die spoof Paris Hilton Responds to McCain Ad, which went viral and was acclaimed as “her best acting yet” by The Washington Post. This Spring, she’ll rejoin the reality TV realm with an Oxygen show, The World According to Paris.
Martha Stewart – Martha’s insider trading fiasco shocked America, but perhaps more shocking was how thug-ass Martha turned out to be. Known as M-Diddy by her fellow prisoners, Martha went on to act as a liaison between prisoners and the administration during her five months at Federal Correction Complex, Coleman. Since her release, she’s branded several craft companies, expanded Martha Stewart Living, and starred in several television shows; the latest entitled Martha Bakes for the Hallmark Channel.
Tommy Lee – In 1998, the Mötley Crüe drummer spent four months in jail after kicking Pamela Anderson as she held their son, Dylan. Since his release, things are still pretty fucked up: a 4-year-old drowned and die in his swimming pool in 2001, and he was assaulted by Anderson’s then-husband Kid Rock at the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards. Winning. Lee attended the University of Nebraska (but didn’t enroll) for his 2004 reality show, Tommy Lee Goes to College.
Lil’ Wayne – Last year, Dwayne Carter spent eight months at Riker’s Island after a major drug and weapons bust. He hit the road earlier this month on his inaugural post-imprisonment tour, “I Am Still the Music.” The all-star tour features Wayne, team Young Money, and a 30-minute set from Nicki Minaj.
At the very least, Lohan’s impending jailtime should land her a reality show upon her release – just what every drug addicted, former A-lister hopes for! XO, babe.
