In Real Life Disney Princes Would Actually be A-Holes

If the Disney princes actually existed, they would be horrible people.

I think its high time we all admitted that the cartoons we watched in our childhood were actually full of assholes, and no, I’m not talking about all the hidden body parts placed randomly in The Little Mermaid.

Not to name names, but Popeye protected Olive Oyl from a rapist, Wile E. Coyote spent his life trying to murder the RoadRunner, and Gargamel was just a hungry old bitch who wanted to eat the Smurfs for dinner, even though they were little blue PEOPLE.

Say what you will about those cartoons, but the biggest offender is probably Disney, because everything was much more subliminal and nuanced. You can watch an entire Disney movie without thinking anything is amiss, but once you look at it through enlightened eyes, you will see that Belle’s boyfriend had worse control issues than Ray Rice. All I can say is, thank god there were no elevators in the middle ages. #TooSoon.

Also, Snow White was basically molested while she was trying to take a refreshing catnap. Any girl who has ever been prodded in her sleep by a random trick’s boner knows what I’m talking about.

Anyway, this video sheds some light on just how assholey the Disney Princes really were.

Consider your eyes opened and your childhood ruined.

READ MORE: Your Favorite 90s Cartoons As Drug Addicts

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About the author


Gary is the gay guy that every girl wants to be, and every guy wants to be with (Mostly because he can't get pregnant). He is based in Manhattan, but loves traveling to exotic new people, and sleeping with interesting new places. He is an adventurous writer, digital artist, and game designer that will try almost anything if it makes a good story.
--Instagram: @garyadrianrandall --Twitter: @gadrianrandall

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