In a Perfect World, all Pirates Would Look like Johnny Depp…

I really don’t understand what is going on in the world, but I like it.

When my friend Jennilyn and I first heard about that ship being taken over by pirates, music started playing in our heads with visions of Captain Jack Sparrow, but then we saw the actual pirates, and were thoroughly unimpressed and weren’t turned on by any of them.  She said that “it’s about time cool stuff like that came back, soon we’ll have actual super heroes.”  That would be awesome, as long as the pirates all look like Johnny Depp and ninjas all have the comedic timing of Chris Farley.

Judo chop transition!  I always secretly wanted to be a ninja, actually not secretly at all.  Ninjas are stealthy, they get to throw ninja stars, there is a really cool ninja cat.  All good.  According to The Official Ninja Webpage (I’m serious):

1. Ninjas are mammals.
2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.
3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.

Well, this guy in Massachusetts is attempting to gain entry into the exclusive ninja club, as a dry cleaner robber.  Dry cleaner?!  REALLY?!  He apparently went into one store and when the clerk said they were calling the cops, he vanished (ok ran out) then went into a dry cleaner and held her up by knife point.  When she said she couldn’t open the register, he vanished again.  Anyway, the cops are searching for the “sword waving ninja” as we speak.  Point is, if you are trying to be a some sort of hero or villain, don’t mess it up and end up just looking retarded.  You are ruining it for the rest of us.

About the author


a native New Yorker with an enormous brain that's on a never-ending quest for high style, men with accents, and any place with a disco ball. Fastest way to her heart is a guy that loves sushi and knows the difference between "there," "their," and "they're."

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