I never thought I would see the day when I felt sorry for Kim Kardashian. From her pregnancy weight gain, to her desperate relationship with a gay man, to being made fun of by f*cking VOGUE, the girl can’t catch a break. This all seems like a carefully orchestrated plot by Anna Wintour herself, because I distinctly remember her talking smack about Kim publicly, several years ago. Did Kim bring it on herself by being such a desperate fame-whore? Maybe. That doesn’t mean, however, that she deserves it.
Let’s start with her marriage. Both of her husband’s names were Kris and Kanye, which both suspiciously start with the letter “K”. This leads me to believe that its written into her mother-daughter contract that anyone she marries must be willing to join the Kardashian Kult. Kanye is arguably the only person in the world who loves himself more than her. Also, I am about 90% sure that he loves dick as much as I do. So you have Kim trying desperately to remain relevant by marrying and getting impregnated by a gay rapper who clearly doesn’t even want to be in the same room with her (if you don’t believe me just google any pic of them together). Following my conspiracy theory, marrying Kanye was a surefire way of getting invited to the MET gala. Kanye and Anna Wintour are acquaintances. Do you see the illuminati-esque connection here?
Secondly, she is pregnant, and as many women of color do, she has gained weight. Kim Kardashian was never model-skinny to begin with, but now the press is having a field day with her body and her clothes. I guess they always did, but since she is pregnant, I kind of think she deserves a get out of jail free card. She’s not as mentally strong as Jessica Simpson. Or as successful. Or as happy, it seems. I say we should lay off. Anna Wintour could be feeding Kim incorrect fashion advice, telling her to wear pregnancy peplums, and that white is the new black.
Thirdly, all she wanted from life was to be famous, befriend Beyonce, and attend the MET gala. She negotiated the fame through her sex tape (thanks, Kris Jenner), the Beyonce friendship through Kanye (thanks, gusband) (gay+husband), and somehow finally snuck her way into the MET gala. And then, she wears the most hideous dress known to man, and is cropped out of the best-dressed list on VOGUE.com. My theory is that Anna Wintour told her to wear floral, approved the dress, and then let the press have a field day with it. I am starting to wonder if her +1 invite was a clever ploy to set her up for this fashion-bullying.
At the end of the day, she asked for fame. She even went out of her way to desperately claw her way to it, leaving such casualties behind as Ray-J and Paris Hilton. At the end of the day she is still a person, with a person, growing inside them. So I think the world should just lay off her until she gives birth to the next little money-maker of the Kardashian Kingdom[ via ]