FEATURES

Lifecycle of a Guido

Written by Bryce

Let’s face it… they have to come from somewhere.  Guidos, you may originate on Lawn Guylund, but it’s hard for us normal folk to really make sense of your existence.  So let’s start from the beginning.

First, an adequate Guido Womb is needed to house the growing Guido fetus.

guido girls

When the Guido is born, he needs to be taught the ways of his Guido lifestyle from the very start.  Even the youngest of Guido babies need appropriate hair.

guidoksjd

At some point, every Guido has to grow up.  So by the time the G.K. (guido kid) is 9 or 10, he will have forever-cemented L.A. Looks hairgel into his daily routine.

guidokids

Before you know it, you’ve got a full grown Guido… ready to fist pump, collar pop, gold-chain-flaunt, and holla at all the gawjuss Guidettes around coastal Long Island.

guido_421

But youth never lasts, and at some point, you’re just left with an old Guido in a visor…

guidooldman

…if all goes according to plan, the old man Guido can be found in his native habitat of Massapequa or Wildwood, NJ.

*Editor note: notice in all these pictures, not a single one of them is near an open flame. Very important Guido safety tip.

About the author

Bryce

Bryce Gruber is a Manhattanite mom who can be found jet-setting off to every corner of the globe. She loves exotic places, being fully rested and writing for some of the world's most popular news outlets.

11 Comments

  • i’m with everyone else, all the pics of the kids need to go. i was actually going to ask if the blogger had permission to post any of the pics but from the looks of bryce’s pic, the other pics are probably those of her relatives. she looks like a recovering guido. look at those horrid tan lines. get a cabana and pull your straps down.

  • that’s so funny “kim” we just tracked your i.p. address and got to your fb account… i’m not sure i’d be talking about cute if i were you, sugar:)

  • lol, bryce. i’m sorry i disappointed you w/ my f/b pics. i’ll be sure to update them for you asap. and two, i didn’t make any reference to your attractiveness, just to your tan lines. some of us consider tan lines as tacky as making fun of kids. very disappointing, esp coming from a mom.

  • hahaha wow….went to my stumbleupon.com home page and saw in all the thumbnails of the recent top stumbles or whatever a picture of someone I thought I know. Clicked and low and behold, I went to highschool with the girl in the blue dress in the first picture.