Meg Fox’s EmporiO-Face

Megan Fox, indie wet dream inducer and strange thumb haver, will be the face of Emporio Armani Underwear and Armani Jeans in 2010. And by face, I mean ass.

I just wish all the haters out there would show Megs the respect she deserves. This picture is a perfect example of hateration. I happened to open it up to find that it was zoomed in so closely that I could count the blond peach fuzz on her face (87 peach fuzz hairs. 87). Her face is lacquered in foundation two shades too white, and her lipstick looks like Harold got hold of a red crayon and went apeshit on her face. During an epileptic seizure.

After the terrible injustice her makeup artist inflicted on her, her PR person turns around and releases this photo! It’s like your “friend” tagging you in a picture on Facebook where you *clearly* have muffintop. And then she reassures you that you look really good, you know, just for a chuckle or two at your expense, no big deal. Then, she makes it her default picture and you’re like… Okay, I’m the only one in that picture, why would she do that? And she’s like Oh, you just look that hot in it. Seriously. David told me you look really hot in that picture. And you’re like, Okay, well if David thinks it’s hot maybe I’ll make it my default, too.  And then a year and a diet or two later, you realize what that evil slut was doing– making fun of your muffintop– so you sleep with her boyfriend. Game over, bitch.

Even with her handlers shamelessly trying to bring her down, there’s one thing you can’t take away from Miss Fox. Can you guess what it is? No, not dignity. Not pride either. No, it’s not her street cred for her role in Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen! I’m talking about her ASS. It’s that very ass that will co-star with her hammer thumbs or whatever they’re called in a series of ass-oriented Armani ads shot by renowned fashion photographers Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott.

Looking forward to the major ass envy that’ll take place when these ads are released! You’re always giving me something more to aspire to, Fox.