A dude with a speedo. At the yoga studio. Hot yoga. Not a pool, but closeâ€¦because itâ€™s like a sauna in thereâ€”reaching temps up to 110 degrees. That being said, it does not give a license to wear a teeny piece of fabric over your banana and berries, aw naw!
Iâ€™m gonna come out and say it. I donâ€™t like to sit next to men in yoga class. There, I said it. But you know what guys? Iâ€™m not sexist, Iâ€™m just not interested in your perfume de schweaty balls that emanates from your middle region while Iâ€™m in a lunge twist facing you. I was about to say â€œIâ€™m sorryâ€¦that Iâ€”â€œ but Iâ€™m not going to apologize for disagreeing with your lack of cleanliness in yoga and specifically hot yoga. Yes, we all sweat and some sweat more than others, but deordorize that shizz or wash that under carriage before getting into a downward dog in a 100+ degree room.
Thanks to my most recent hot yoga experience, my dislike for sitting next to men in yoga has completely gone to a new level. I wanted to try a new studio this week. I walked 20 minutes in the bitter Chi temps to get my hot yoga fix on. I get there early, grab a good spotâ€”not too far from the mirror or the instructor and not close to anyone. As the class files in I notice thereâ€™s one spot next to me open. And WOOT! THERE IT IS! The freaky looking dude already drenched in sweat from taking the previous hot yoga class comes strolling in with nothing but a speedo on and finds a space next to me.Â That shouldâ€™ve been my cueâ€”I shouldâ€˜ve just walked out then, but in the spirit of yoga and not being judgmental this year, I stood my ground and tried to settle into a calming state of mind. I really gave it a good try to not judge him, but that damn speedo was dripping like an ice cream cone on a hot summer day and I couldnâ€™t look away. I also couldnâ€™t escape it, considering the mirrored studio and the speedoâ€™s proximity to meâ€”unless I wanted to do the class with my eyes closed. If itâ€™s not enough that I have a guy thatâ€™s been probably doing hot yoga all day next to me in a dripping wet speedo wreaking of hot brats at ball game, but he has to be the yoga freak that does hand stands at random times and spread-your-legs-apart moves in my face. My balance was so off the entire classâ€”I must have been turned on?
Of course thereâ€™s proper yoga etiquette that most who practice know about, but there has to be a whole other set of rules for hot yoga and for dudes especially. Hereâ€™s what should be common sense, but apparently I might need to give you guys a little heads up.
- If you sweat in your middle region anytime before class, wash up or donâ€™t show up at class.
- Bring a towel and preferably one that covers your entire mat so you donâ€™t create a man-made lake on and around your mat.
- Wear pants or shorts that donâ€™t expose your junk. (This could help with perfume de schweaty balls knocking the entire class out)
There are only 2 acceptable uses for a speedo: swimming and the pride parade.