Michael Phelps Apologizes For Being Normal 23-Year-Old

Unless you’lve been living under a rock for the past week, you’ve probably heard that my favorite Olympian Michael Phelps was outed via photo this weekend. Apparently, he’s a morally bankrupt POT SMOKER! Stop the presses!

But like a true athelete and gentleman, he apologized for his completely unacceptable behavior. “I’m 23 years old and despite the successes I’ve had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again.”

Michael Phelps: Midnight Toker

A photo of someone hitting a bong is hardly grounds for the chair, but when you’re an athlete, you’re basically not allowed to do anything wrong, ever. No dog fighting, no carrying illegal firearms into clubs, and definitely no pot! If you want to freely snort cocaine at the Waverly, you should’ve become an actor!

In reality, the only thing Phelps stands to lose are some uptight “phans” and his multiple endorsements. His sponsors have yet to drop him, and in my opinion, rightfully so. Who could relate to a world famous Olympic champion? Not me. But I bet there’s plenty of people who can relate to someone who has scandalous pictures circulating of themselves on the internet.

The fact is, people smoke pot. If our tragic hero had been caught with steroids, I could understand the uproar. But of all the drugs to take, at least Phelps picked one that would definitely NOT enhance his performance in the pool. I mean he may ravage the pool’s vending machine, leaving it devoid of all Dorito-related products, but who hasn’t done that before?

While I’m not sure I could ever look Mike in the eyes again, I totes accept his apology.

Update: It’s been a bad week for Phelps. South Carolina is drafting up a criminal case against Mikey for being photographed smoking what is commonly known as a “tobacco water pipe”. 

He’s also been banned from the USA swimming team for three months. To add insult to injury, they’re taking away his menial stipend for those three months! I guess even Olympic swimmers aren’t recession proof. Feel the pinch, Michael!

The slap-on-the-wrist conveniently ends in time for Phelps to participate in the 2009 World Swimming Championships in Rome. His Kellogg’s Cornflakes endorsement, which was ending in February anyway, will not be renewed. It also seems as though Subway is gearing up to dump him, too.

Someone create a “Free Phelps” shirt, so I can wear it in protest.