The whole second season of Orange Is The New Black is out and I’ve got some questions.
Let me start by letting you know that I am not any sort of professional critic. Why am I qualified to ask these questions? Because I’m a gay man and we criticize anything and everything we can. I binge watched the whole second season in under 48 hours. I’ve got some issues and I need answers.
READ MORE: Lessons from Season 1 of OITNB
***SLIGHT SPOILERS BELOW***
1. Are you fucking with me Alex Vause?
I was rooting for you! We were all rooting for you! I’m having a major Tyra Banks and Tiffany Richardson moment over you right now. Here is my professional opinion. Yes, it is professional because I have many failed relationships. Why couldn’t you just stick to the damn plan? Why couldn’t you just do it for Piper? I’m so done with your shit.
2. Piper! You need to get your life together.
I am a firm believer that good sex will imprison you! You have literally been imprisoned because the sex was that good. You didn’t just stop there. No. You kept going back to that sneaky little (albeit very pretty and manipulative) drug lord. I totally see the appeal. Who wouldn’t want to jet off to amazing destinations? Who wouldn’t want to carry a bag of drug money? You show me one person who says they wouldn’t and I’ll show you a liar. Seriously girlfriend, get it together.
3. This Red and Vee battle is absolutely insane.
You are both too old for this. You’ve even admitted it! Red, shame on you. Thinking you can trust that Vee after everything she’s done for you. Bravo to both women on their backbones regardless of age. You really did it dirty and I’m totally here for it. But seriously, you two played that out way too much.
4. That ending.
Absolutely not! You really think you can throw me an ending after giving you 13 hours of my life? Shame on you! I need to know what happened to XXX and XXX. If you do not throw me some sort of bonus ending in the next month, I’m going to loose it. I’m already unstable.
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