These are the worst documented reactions to the Brangelina divorce. You need to know about all of them.
Brexpit, Mr. and Mrs. Split, and BrangeLEAVEha are among some of the terrible puns that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s very public divorce has been called. Even worse? Some of the OTT responses by the press. A divorce is sad enough on its own, but one under extreme scrutiny by the general public is infinitely worse. Here are some of the reactions to the Brangelina divorce that had us saying “nope.”
New York Post’s Jennifer Aniston cover
Jennifer Aniston on the front cover of the New York Post
Honestly, do we really think that Jen and her naturally radiant Aveeno face has been crying herself to sleep for 12 years and that she’s now taking poignant sips from her Smart water bottle and cackling with delight? No. She’s been busy doing other things, like starring in top comedies, getting awards from charities, and idk, getting married. Can we please exclude Jennifer Aniston from this narrative, one that she has never asked to be part of, since 2004?
Involvement of Marion Cotillard
The fact that Marion Cotillard had to issue a statement on this matter is not only absurd, but why does this “other woman” trope have to come into play every time someone gets a divorce? Marion being happily in a relationship and currently pregnant with her man’s child is just icing on that awful “mind-your-own-business” cake. Also, gossip is the worst, isn’t it? Sharp tongues are worse than swords.
Involvement of Selena Gomez
Selena and Brad discussing the Big Short, via Instagram
According to The Daily Mail, Angelina “blew a gasket” over a photo of Selena and Brad that Selena posted on Instagram. Is a relatively innocent photo of Selena and Brad talking really worth DRAAAAGGGINGGG her into the painful (and sadly, public) experience of a dissolved marriage? Let Selenita recover from Lupus in peace. This Brangelina divorce thing isn’t even her game.
Madame Tussauds separation of their wax figures
I guess Robert Pattinson will keep the peace, via Hellomagazine.
Because divorced people can’t stand to be near one another, their wax statues obviously must follow suit. “We reacted quickly to yesterday’s news of the separation of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt and their plans to divorce by mirroring the separation in the attraction,” a Madame Tussauds spokesperson told Press Association. “The couple’s wax figures, which were launched in 2013, have been split up and are now featured at a respectful distance from each other. Angelina is keeping Nicole Kidman company and Brad Pitt is with his several time co-star Morgan Freeman.” Oh, okay.
What in the actual hell is even happening here? The only reason to go back to MT is if you’re on a weird touristy vacation and want a glimpse of Oprah. She’s living her best life in some other corner, though.
Justin Theroux and Jen Aniston Divorcing After Jen Catches Him Cheating
Can I get an eye-roll emoji please?
You really want to go there, In Touch? Yes, this was the publication that announced Angelina and Brad were breaking up last week, but they’re really trying to push it with those headlines. Jen’s camp denies this one.
In the immortal words of Helen Lovejoy, “Won’t somebody please think of the children?”
Editor’s note: If you believe in any tiny, remote form of evolution you’ll know and understand humans are supposed to be improving. Like, trash-talking people’s parenting (unless you’ve personally been in the home or are a close relative) isn’t really good look, and makes you look like one of those pre-human species that died out.
