Valentine’s Day comes and goes every year, and generally we all give, get, and return the same stuff. Do we really need a box of Russel-whatever chocolates or a pair of abstract heart earrings? No. In fact, we’re better off without more stuff that makes us look, feel, and act like every other human on Earth. Without further hesitation, here’s my list of unconventional plays on traditional Valentine’s Day gifts:
image via @brycegruber on Instagram
1. A box of chocolates meets spirituality. This is literally a dark chocolate Jesus. If you ask me, it’s a perfect gift for that special someone who also loves chocolate Easter bunnies, black Jesus, and/or literally anything made of chocolate. Bonus: It’s made of rich 72% Guittard coucher de soleil dark chocolate, backed with a sprinkling of hand-harvested Fleur de Sel sea salt. $55, available here.
2. Lingerie? Get realistic. Fart-filtering lingerie is where the party’s at. Never heard of it? Get the, um, scoop here.
3. Jewelry that actually means something. Well, literally and figuratively. We all know how I feel about heart-shaped earrings or Tiffany chain-link anything (although at this point, that’s vintage, right?). I’m perennially obsessed with Sima Gilady’s silver stamped jewelry- especially this promise ring. Give to someone to promise exclusivity, fidelity, friendship, marriage… whatever. It’s just super sweet and beats the hell out of any POS at Zales. $50, available here.
4. Lingerie that’ll actually be worn again. No one honestly needs a magenta and orange teddy. Everyone ever needs really chic lace that wears as well under clothes as it does beneath a lover’s body. Love this Cosabella lace bralette at ShopPlanetBlue.
5. Flowers? No. This is way more poetic. When it comes to giving plants in the name of love, I have to say this: FEBRUARY ISN’T EVEN ROSE SEASON. Like, they don’t bloom now, so how did that even become a thing? The only real, pragmatic solution is to give the ever-poetic venus fly trap gift. They’re the vaginas-with-teeth of the plant kingdom, and that’s pretty chic.
