What do mermaids eat? Vegan donuts, apparently.

Written by Bryce

What do mermaids eat, anyway? Donuts, like the rest of us.

It seems mermaids are like the rest of us in this one, not-so-leg-related way: they love fancy donuts. But who doesn’t? If you were googling “what do mermaids eat?” in hopes of finding a definitive dietary list, let’s start with this: mermaids are vegans. Everyone knows that and it’s scientific fact.

What do mermaids eat? Vegan things, apparently. Credit: Yahoo answers

In a somewhat recent and obviously very real Yahoo answers thread, mermaid diet experts revealed what everyone has always thought — the supposedly mythical creatures survive on a diet of seaweed, algae, and love. They’re not eating shellfish, because as one commenter explained, “because the fish were her friends.” Also, apparently mermaids sing and dance with the fish, so that puts eating them totally out of the question.

So what do mermaids eat in reality?

Back to the question at hand, because the answer is apparently the best one out there: donuts. Linden Wolbert, perhaps the wealthiest and most famous mermaid of all, just rolled out her own line of vegan donuts to help supply her community with their diet-appropriate snacks. Unfortunately donuts are still not diet-appropriate for humans, but we hope evolution will go to work on that.

This mermaid eats donuts. instagram.com/thekarmabaker

Linden partnered with gluten-free and plant-based bakery, The Karma Baker, to produce a complete line of mermaid-edible snacks. They’re obviously perfect for after mermaid school, or schools in general (do mermaids swim in schools?). For now they’re only available at their California location, which makes sense, because everyone knows the biggest population of natural mermaids is on the west coast. That’s why mermaid rainbow churros come from Cali, too.

Mermaids eat donuts. See? instagram.com/thekarmabaker

If you’re just a regular human trying to eat like a mermaid, we feel you, and want you to know that mermaids also eat hummus, and it’s a well-documented and scientifically-backed fact they buy those Sabra Hummus packages in bulk thanks to their waterproof packaging.

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About the author


Bryce Gruber is a Manhattanite mom who can be found jet-setting off to every corner of the globe. She loves exotic places, planes with WiFi, summer clothes, & Sucre brown butter truffles. Bryce's aim is to do to luxury what Elton John did to being gay. Follow her on twitter @brycegruber

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