I am of the mind that you never really need a reason to be a bitch. This may be because “bitch” is one of the first words that comes up whenever anyone tries to describe me. It is a fact of life that everyone has their bitchy moments, but most people who fall under that label refer to themselves as “honest”, “independent”, or “menstruating.”
My point is, there are several times in life when it is actually a good thing to be a little bitchy. Here are five such moments:
Someone needs a dose of reality. Once in a while, in order to be completely honest you have to pull out the bitch card. People respond to bitches, because bitches don’t require anyone’s approval. If one of your girlfriends has a serious case of denial covering up a serious case of crabs from her “monogamous” boyfriend, it might be time for a little tough love.
Someone is being a bitch to you. No matter what you do, you are eventually going to encounter someone really bitchy. In these instances you have the choice to be the bigger person, or to respond to them in kind, and annihilate their ass. Being the bigger person is better for the soul, but tearing them to the ground in an epic bitch-fight is much more fun.
You are hangry. In case you are living under a rock in a first world country, hungry + angry = hangry. Hangry people get a bitch pass, its just a fact of life.
Being nice isn’t working. If you have exhausted all your efforts to be patient with someone and still aren’t getting your way, you might consider changing tactics. Half the time transforming into a fire-breathing bitch will take people by such surprise they will do whatever you ask just to keep the situation from escalating.
You are at Trader Joe’s or IKEA. I’m pretty sure it’s written in the Bible that Trader Joe’s and IKEA are located in one of the seven layers of Hell. When the line to check out for your groceries or match-stick furniture goes outside the front door and down 3 blocks, being a bitch may be the only way you can survive and get home in time to watch The Real Housewives anywhere and everywhere (aka, Bravo’s reality series tutorials on how to be a petty cunt).
As always, use your discretion, and allow your bitch face to be your last resort.
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