A Brief Essay on Why I Give Head

 

I’ve noticed a phenomenon recently that may or may not be new, but has increasingly baffled and intrigued me just the same: women’s refusal to give blow-jobs. Lately, it seems as though locker room chats with my girl friends have consistently been punctuated with at least one girl chiming in “… And you know I don’t give head.” I may be wrong in thinking this, but while I feel as though it’s generally accepted that women of the 30+ crowd are less enthused about oral service below the belt, it’s actually quite shocking to me that younger women are also saying “no.” 

I remember one day in particular, when I was chatting with one of my best friends – a smokin’ hot, independent twenty-something who was in a relationship at the time – and she broke the news that she “doesn’t do that.” I was flabbergasted. My response? “Girrrrl, you’re missing out!” 

See, this is the thing. I can kind of understand why someone might not be down to go down. Before I was ever sexually active , I used to be grossed out at the thought. In fact, it at one point used to make me gag. But I was 13. 

So to offer up a more rounded perspective, I asked my token anti-oral friends why it is that they shun sucking schlong.  Some say it’s an uncooperative gag reflex, while others have had various bad experiences with it. And in the words of one friend, it’s an intimacy thing: “It takes a different level of trust than sex does…I like sex more. I don’t like one-sided situations.” 

Fair enough.

That said, many years and one or two BJs later, it’s actually one of my favorite sexy time activities. Give me a guy I like and will inevitably sleep with (which are few and far between, mind you… ), and I’ll give him head. Here’s why:

1. I have complete control. Not that this is the primary reason I give head, or that I even have a secret dominatrix alter-ego, but there’s something extremely satisfying in knowing that a man’s pleasure is directly dependent on what I’m doing down there. Some may think that having one’s head between a man’s legs may be a position of vulnerability. Not true. In fact, he’s at my mercy. 

2. It’s fun for both of us. If I’m even entertaining the idea of hooking up with a guy, it’s after I know that he’s somewhat respectful and will be in bed. With that, it’s a hell of a lot of fun to romp with a dude who will just sit back in all his glory and let me take the reigns. And the more feedback I get, the more fun I’m having because it gives me direction in fine tuning my technique. Plus, there are about 6,098,287 different ways to give a good blow-job, and I have set out to find each and every one of them. Genuine enthusiasm speaks volumes to men – not to toot my own horn, but I once had a guy tell me that I had given him the best blow- job he’d ever had simply because I seemed to really enjoy it (and yes, he was older than 21). 

3. I probably have an oral fixation. Enough said.

4. Sex should be about giving and taking. Because truth is, I love to be on the receiving end as much as I like to give. Do I think that it’s a hard fast rule that oral sex should be either a two-way street, or a dead end? Not at all. But I do think that unless you’re getting it on with “Superman: Heart of Gold Edition,” he’ll eventually grow tired of the blow-job deprivation.

5. I feel really accomplished when I’ve given a good one. So how do you know you’ve truly conquered a man with your oral graces? The O-Face never lies. But I also happily embrace the “there’s always room for improvement” school of thought because practice makes perfect, and well… “practice” couldn’t be more fun!

On that note, I understand if my reasons aren’t substantial enough to inspire one to switch to “Team Fallatio,” but I strongly encourage women of all ages (the operative word being “women,” not “tweens”) to grab the coolest bloke they know, get him alone, and give it a go. Some tips to those new to this, but who are ready and willing:

Be adventurous, have fun,  and use lots of spit.

With that, I’ve met my trashy Cosmo-like advice quota for the day.