Dear Wonderbra,
I just wanted to write you a little love note to say thank you for snagging me a husband. Now, I know you’re probably thinking “whoa, that’s so shallow… she’s assuming boobs are all a man cares about.” Well, that’s true. It is a little shallow, but the truth is men love boobs. And eyes. And personalities. And smiles. And food. But, in my case, I don’t have a lot of time to spend cooking my man a hot dish or talking to him endlessly in an effort to impress him with my personality (which, depending on my time of the month, can leave a little to be desired).
I know he loves my mind and heart and soul, too, but… he didn’t know about those things until after our first date. All he knew was that he liked what he saw, and he liked it because you were pushing it up sky high. That’s impressive because I breastfed my son for one full year, and breastfeeding sort of leaves boobs looking like those tired flaps of skin beneath the arms of someone that’s just lost over 100 pounds of flesh.
And from an economic standpoint, 1 good Wonderbra (under $30) led to several good dinners (at least $40 each), varied handywork around my apartment ($500+?), endless babysitting ($2000+), regular chauffeuring around town (cab savings of at least $1500), and a hearty engagement ring. You can’t find that on Wall Street.
Lots of Love,
Bryce Gruber
