Directions on how to throw a really bad theme wedding.
Step 1. Choose a reference that will haunt you for the rest of your life.
Everybody loves a good theme wedding, right? Just kidding, actually, NOBODY loves a good theme wedding. The phrase ‘good theme wedding’ is actually an oxymoron, and when used sarcastically, refers to the tackiest, most white trash type of wedding you can possibly throw.
I’m from North Florida, so obviously I am no stranger to theme weddings. Since I was born with tacky blood, I am uniquely qualified to give directions on how to throw a horribly theme wedding.
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My only request is that you use these tips ironically. There is nothing worse than a person that takes a theme wedding seriously, in any way, shape, or form.
Step 2. Force your friends to participate. It’s your wedding, after all.
Step 3. Consider wearing a mask, so nobody can ever prove it is you.
Step 4. Make sure everyone in the wedding party is as tacky as you are, even if your theme doesn’t make much sense.
Step 6- If all else fails, just use body paint and get married in Jersey.
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