Break-up Spotting: Reality versus your Insecurity

I want to take a second to broach a topic that is very dear to my heart. I know that my posts often come off as diatribes or rants, but I have been in this specific situation many times and feel its is important to discuss. We have all been in a relationshit or two; relationshit being defined as a relationship that ends badly, goes down in flames, or negatively impacts your life and the lives of your children for generations to come. There are a lot of fucked up people out there, and chances are you have dated more than one of them. (I know this because more than one of you have dated me). Maybe someone cheats, lies, or philanders. Maybe someone leaves without explanation, kills themselves, or (even worse) votes Republican. Everyone out there is dealing with all of their own shit and the sad truth is that sometimes they take it out on us.

In any given shituation though, there are two distinctions:

1. What actually happens.

2. The story you tell yourself about what happened.

So if a guy cheats on you, in your head you build this story about how he is a horrible person, you aren’t good enough, and every guy will cheat on you for the rest of time. Most of these assumptions stem from your own insecurity. What actually happened though, is that he was horny and he slammed it in someone else’s clam. These two distinctions are not the same.

In truth, it doesn’t matter what happens to you. You will survive. But to survive well, you have to think about what actually happens in any given shituation, as opposed to what you are making it mean. Then, you have to understand that everyone in this world is running around with their own issues to deal with, and sometimes good people do bad things. And bad people do good people. And bad things do bad people.

I am confused.

The point is that nobody can make you feel anything, or think anything negative of yourself without your consent. Cut the drama and all the stories and look at the shituation from an unbiased perspective.

And then move on.