Bryce Gruber’s Thoughts of the Day (horse peen & kids)

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” -Marilyn Monroe

1. Porn is Changing Sex. I had a long drive in my boyfriend’s car this morning and ended up talking about how porn is actually changing the way the younger generations view sex. He’s 40 and recounted getting the Victoria’s Secret catalog in the mail decades ago and feeling super excited because he could almost see boobs. Now every kid has a computer with high-speed internet, a blackberry, iPhone, droid or some other contraption that makes it super easy for them to watch porn with no stigma or feeling like they’re actually hiding something from their parents. What does this mean? They can see, experience, and feel a part of the wilder end of porn- things like fetishes and beastiality. Does this mean that all 18 year old boys are out there surfing for horse-meets-human porn and stuff with whips and choking? Not necessarily, but it does sort of take a little bit of the joy out of the normal, romantic bliss of missionary and a run-of-the-mill beejay. At some point I can’t help but wonder if the men of the future will stop being as romantic with their female partners if they’re always expecting some new sexual high involving whipped cream covered feet, harnesses, snakes, double penetration, or something Ashley just told me is called the Eiffel Tower.

2. What is the Eiffel Tower? Well, we’ll all have to thank Ashley for this little tidbit of sexual info. Here’s the description. There’s a girl bent over taking it from behind (from a man), she’s simultaneously giving another man some oral gratification while the two dudes are high fiving each other to create the appearance of the Eiffel Tower. Classy, Ashley. Thanks for the info.

3. Horse Penis. When my 40 year old boyfriend announced his feelings regarding porn, Victoria’s Secret catalogs, and weird fetish sex this morning I realized something. I am actually part of that younger generation of people that was exposed to weird-ass porn in my youth. I remember being at my friend Kimberly’s house in 9th grade after school. We used to eat junk food, talk about boys, and try on too much mascara- typical 14 year old girl stuff. One day 5 or 6 of us were at her house and she decided to pop in a “movie.” Well, I had no idea what was coming. I had never seen porn before, nevermind super kinky stuff. In fact, I was so innocent at that point that I didn’t even know WHERE a penis went during the act of sex. The video that Kimberly chose prominently showcased two women sucking on a horse’s penis. Why? I have no clue. In fact, not only is it disturbing to watch a horse get a blowjob from a couple of human chicks, but I distinctly remember thinking about if the girls’ mouths hurt from such a big schlong. After a minute or two I think I told my friends that I had to walk home before it got dark (I was just creeped out). That being said, I think this is a prime example of the kind of weird sh*t that kids are exposed to today.

4. I Ate at IHOP Today. I know it doesn’t sound exciting, but there’s something downright delish IHOP to me. I remember when I was pregnant and living on the Upper East Side of NYC I would cry just from seeing IHOP commercials. Hormones coupled with beautiful, gooey images of syrup and butter made me too emotional.