Six Crazy Cults

crazy cults
Written by Gary

These six crazy cults take ‘devotion’ to another level.

crazy cults

I have been told by a few people in my life that I should start a cult. I don’t know if it’s because I am really good at convincing people to do things, or that I have a serious case of resting bitch face and crazy eyes, but either way I take it as a compliment.

As long as religions have existed, crazy cults have too. It’s actually a pretty fine line between a religion and a cult, because people always tend to organize based on their shared beliefs. In my mind, the big difference is that you can’t talk about or leave a cult, whereas religions can be swapped out, changed around, and suited to fit the individual. Cults also tend to revolve around a person, living or dead, whereas religions center more around belief systems and morality.

READ MORE: Cut Off Your Balls to be Closer to God

But enough about the logistics, here are five crazy cults you should know about:

crazy cults


All you really need to know about Scientology is that it is based on a science fiction book by L. Ron Hubbard (not a far stretch if you believe the bible is nothing more than a fantasy novel), it attracts lots of celebrities, you have to donate lots of money in order to advance and learn it’s secrets, and they make it really, really hard to leave. Oh, and they believe that human beings are immortal spirits inhabited by clusters of extraterrestrials.

crazy cults

The People’s Temple

In the 1970s, a ‘Reverend’ named James Warren Jones convinced 900 of his followers to pass themselves away using purple Kool-Aid laced with cyanide. This is where the saying ‘don’t drink the Kool-Aid’ comes from. This cult was originally formed as a backlash against capitalism, which they did by moving to a concentration camp in Guyana, then killing the people who came to intervene, and killing themselves (including children) when they were discovered.

crazy cults

Heaven’s Gate Cult

39 members of this San Diego cult also offed themselves in 1997, led by Marshall Applewhite. He was voluntarily castrated with 7 other men because he believed the Earth was going to be cleansed and recycled, and they needed to be saved by aliens who were trailing the Hale-Bopp comet. The fun thing about them was that they mixed their cyanide or arsenic with vodka. If you have ever heard of a cult that killed themselves wearing black outfits and Nikes, welcome to the Heaven’s Gate Away Team.

crazy cults

The Moonies

Also known as the church of assholes, this cult was founded in 1954 by Sun Myung Moon, a Korean man who believed in all the basic tenets of Christianity; misogyny, homophobia, anti-semitism, and anti-atheism. Basically, it’s a religion for bigots that don’t mind having sex with a photo of Sun Myung Moon watching, and wiping up with a ‘holy handkerchief’ that you can’t mix with your whites, or your coloreds. If you need any more evidence for how bat-shit this is, The Moonies have ties to George W. Bush. BOOM.

Sidebar- The ginger in the photo is kind of hot, right? It’s too bad hes a homophobe that hates Jews.

crazy cults

The Manson Family

Unless you have been living under a rock, you know Charles Manson was a psychopath in the 1960s who convinced his followers to murder people and write the lyrics of Beatles’ songs in their blood on the walls. I have one thing to say to the Manson Family: “Lay off the acid, ya crazy hippies”.

The Kabbalah Centre

Started decades ago by the Berg family, this crazy cult relies heavily on a mild association to traditional Judaism, only mainstream Judaism wants nothing to do with the Kabbalah Centre or their fanatics. While they read their own version of Torah, they rely heavily on the teachings of traditional Kabbalah (meant only to be learned by Jewish scholars), and the Berg family demands heavy sums of money to participate and ‘receive blessings’. Several reports of sexual abuse and misconduct have arisen from the the highest ranks of the global Kabbalah Centre, and past congregants regularly report seeing Berg family members coerce people into ‘donating’ entire life savings to be ‘cleansed’ of negativity. Still, Madonna is a draw, and tickets to ‘shabbat dinner’ are cheaper than a front row seat to a concert.

So there you have it. The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt really isn’t that unrealistic, now is it?

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About the author


Gary is the gay guy that every girl wants to be, and every guy wants to be with (Mostly because he can't get pregnant). He is based in Manhattan, but loves traveling to exotic new people, and sleeping with interesting new places. He is an adventurous writer, digital artist, and game designer that will try almost anything if it makes a good story.
--Instagram: @garyadrianrandall --Twitter: @gadrianrandall

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