Fingering on the First Date… For Men.

image via flickr

Not too long ago I was speaking with a good friend about how prudish I’ve been over the last year or so, and his response was simply, “Seriously? That’s why we can’t date. If I don’t get a blowjob and a finger up my butt on the first date, the girl doesn’t even get a call back.”

WHAT?!

Granted, I completely understand that I’ve been a little slow to get back into the wild world of NYC dating… but since when did it become normal to expect a girl to shove her finger up a butt on a first date? The last I checked, that’s a pretty personal hole, and before anyone goes shoving anything up there… shouldn’t we at least know something about the guy’s diet? But obviously I had to take a poll of my close male friends to get the general consensus on the topics of:

1. ass fingering
2. ass fingering on the first date

Here are some of the responses I received from close male friends in their 20’s, 30’s, and 40’s:

“Seriously, I love a little ass play. Her or me, whatever, it’s all good. Maybe the 2nd date though? We definitely need to get acquainted with each other’s dietary habits first.”  Mike L., 31

“Bryce, how many times do I have to tell you… stop calling me with this kinky-ass stuff. No pun intended.  I don’t need any fingers in any of my holes. By the way, what are you doing for Passover?” Steven R., 28

“…there’s nothing I love more than a woman hovering over me with with her boobs out, heels on, and a finger up my butt. Bring it ON.” James W., 38

“That’s a tricky subject because if a girl shoved her finger up there on the first date, I’d probably be into it, but she definitely would never get a call back. Slutty behaviour does not warrant another dinner on me.” Dan D., 42

“Keep your fingers, dildos, cockstraps, pencils, and other items the hell away from my asshole. For once, I’d appreciate it if a woman could just lick my balls and call it a day.” Allen P., 29

“Girls have tried before, and I’m not really into it. That being said, I think it’s only appropriate after the 4th or 5th date.” Matt O., 28

Well, there you have it. So that leaves me wondering how you can tell who is into it and who isn’t? Because frankly, I’d like to screen my phone calls so I can make sure that I’m only being contacted by guys who have ZERO expectation of ass play on the first date.

Ladies, if this is something you’re open to, however, I suggest investing in a good pair of latex gloves.  They store easily with a small packet of lube in a ziplock, and fit into just about any purse.  That way you can have your kinky first date ass adventure AND protect your manicure!