I used to think that the whole idea of marriage was stupid, because I can’t even seem to commit to a hairstyle, let alone a living, walking, dick with a brain. Then, I came close to marrying a foreign man and it changed my whole opinion on the matter, because I realized it might not be so bad to share my life with someone.
Nowadays I am more open to the idea of binding myself to someone legally (as long as they have better credit than mine), but I still think there are plenty of dumb things about marriage, like these laws for example:
1. In South Carolina, a man over the age of 16 can’t propose for the sole reason of getting laid. I guess if you are under 16 its fine, although I pity the tramp that would get engaged for a ring bought with earnings from KFC.
2.In New Orleans, the city has outlawed marriages performed by anyone with divine powers. In my mind that basically rules out every New Orleans native. Isn’t being a conduit to God considered a mystical power? I am talking to you, The Vatican.
3. In Montana, you don’t even have to show up to your own wedding. If you have a lawyer, you can have proxies step in and not only say your vows for you, but sign your marriage license. This seems like a great way to claim someone’s social security check.
4. In Wichita, Kansas you can’t divorce your husband because he hates your mother. So basically every married couple I know should stay away from Wichita.
5. In Kentucky, you can’t marry the same man for the fourth time. I don’t know why this is even a law, unless Kentucky is the land of codependent relationships and re-gifted wedding rings. If you find a man willing to marry you more than once, you had better hold onto him.
