We have all been on horrible dates. My worst date ever was when a 30-year-old (I was probably 21) picked me up in his mom’s mini-van, asked questions throughout the entire stupid movie Alexander, then wined and dined me at Bennigans with BABY TALK.
Bad dates are inevitable, but I believe there are lessons to be learned from them. Here are four horrible dates, and the lessons we can take away from them.
She fell off a balcony and died.
Jennifer Rosoff and Steven Close hit it off on their first date (I am guessing they met on Tinder), but afterwards she stepped onto her Manhattan balcony to have a smoke, sat on the ledge (claiming she had done this before) and then plunged to her death when the balcony collapsed.
Moral of the story: Don’t smoke.
She got bit by a bad-ass spider.
Stephanie Georgiou was watching Paranormal Activity with her date when she randomly got bit by a poisonous spider; the kind of spider where doctors have to gouge a hole in your hand to remove the venom.
Moral of the story: If you are watching a movie on your date, you are a slut that deserves to get bitten by a spider.
She got kidnapped.
Joan Alupo, the daughter of a Ugandan politician met a guy on Facebook and decided to have coffee with him. He kidnapped her and left her blindfolded in a car for two days.
Moral of the Story: Don’t be the daughter of a Ugandan politician.
She drove the getaway car.
Leah Gibbs met a guy on Facebook and went to his house to watch DVD’s for their first date. When she got there, he asked for a ride to a shopping center, which he promptly robbed. She unwittingly drove the getaway car right to the police, who were waiting back at his house. Luckily, they believed the dumb slut.
Moral of the story: Don’t date a guy that doesn’t have a fucking car. Also don’t watch DVD’s on a first date unless the movie you are aware that ‘watching a movie’ is just a precursor to surprise anal pentetration.
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