How Kinky is Too Kinky?

So I love to peruse the “misc romance” and “casual encounters” sections of the personals on Craigslist when I’m bored. It’s terribly entertaining to read the royally f*cked up requests for sex, in all forms that they come. There have been requests for “JO to climax into the vortex [of a tornado],” “getting tagged from behind while playing Super Mario Bros.,”  and “a sexual Tyrannosaur for a romp in the park,” all of which would naturally raise a few eyebrows.  My most recent favorite is this one:

I Want to have Sex in a Bathtub Filled with Cereal

Reply to: pers-1007797547@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-01-25, 11:19PM
I am looking for a kindred spirit that enjoys, sex, baths, and cereal. So why not try them all at the same time? Now, be warned… I have some very specific stipulations for this fantasy of mine:
1) The cereal must have less than 2 grams of protein per serving. That’s right, the pure sugar stuff kids eat to get roofed like junkies on speed. These can include:
Fruity Pebbles
Count Chocula
Cookie Crisp
Cocoa Pebbles
Cocoa Puffs
Golden Crisps
Honey Smacks
Cap’n Crunch’s Peanut Butter Crunch
Cap’n Crunch
Apple Jacks
Froot Loops
Corn Pops
If you have other suggestions I am more than happy to entertain them.
2) It must be 2% milk, having sex in a bathtub full of cereal is no time for moderation. Plus, I need to get my daily dose of Vitamins A and D.
3) You must be comfortable in the doggie style position. I don’t see any other way to avoid shrinkage and still let you enjoy your cereal before it becomes too mushy.
4) If you insist of photography/videography I will need to insist that I wear a Mexican wrestling mask a la Nacho Libre.
5) I plan on making this a safe encounter to please feel free to bring your own utensils.
After we are finished if you feel like you need something to make you regular again, I should have some Grape-Nuts that you can nibble on. If you are serious, send me a photo, I need to make sure you can fit into the tub.

—

With that, I can’t help but wonder – is this the norm? Do we all have this crazy, disgusting, socially unacceptable yearning to participate in activities like taking it up (or putting it in) the anus while arduously attempting to beat Bowser? I certainly don’t, unless it’s repressed and will come out during my mid-life crisis. But how do I effectively avoid getting wrapped up in a bloke that secretly fosters such fantasies? Seriously, consider this scenario:

You’re banging your man of a few months. Your romps have been nothing but fantabulous and passionate – lots of healthy, clean, normal sex with a few bondage and sex toy experiences thrown in. Then one day during a hot and heavy lunch-break session on his desk, he boldly states that he wants to shove his stapler up your vag (pronounced Vah-guh, by the way) while you “service his member” and he sports a makeshift cock ring constructed of rubber bands. And after you climax, he wants you to do the Slumdog Millionaire dance completely naked in the office’s floor-to-ceiling  window that overlooks Broadway from the 2nd floor.

It’s not like guys like these wear signs over their heads that read “Hey, I have weird fetishes/fantasies!”

So, what do you do?

How does one clearly draw the line between occasional vibrator use and sicko sex sessions so that a partner understands what is fair game and what isn’t? …