How to Tell if You Are Dating a Douchebag

Written by Gary

Sometimes we wake up in the morning and realize that we are dating a douchebag. It happens to the best of us, ladies.


The problem with douche-bags is that they are sneaky. They have a certain kind of arrogant charm that gets our lady-fires stoked, and we realize too late that we are in like with a guy who is already in love with himself. There are early warning signs, but most of the time our vaginas put an embargo on our brains, and we think: “Maybe he will change for me.” To circumvent this whole mess (hint: it ends with an itching burning rash), I put together these questions to tell if the guy in your life is a douche-bag. If you answer yes to more than three of them, ditch that bitch immediately and go find a real man.

Does he have more hair care product than you?

Does he use the word “bro” in every sentence?

Does he have earrings in his ears (honestly, one is enough)?

Are you dating each other, but not friends on Facebook?

Does he have any kind of self-tanner, and/or tanning membership?

Does he take more than an hour to respond to a text message?

Are any of his profile images a selfie in the bathroom mirror?

Does that mirror have toothpaste stains on it?

Do your dates happen after 10 PM every time?

Is he really into new and interesting varieties of mass market beer? Budweiser isn’t a hobby, Bro.

Does he own any form of muscle builder, or does he routinely drink things with names like “Muscle Milk?”

Has he ever commented on your weight, even once, other than being like “you’re light as a feather?”

Does his mom still do his laundry?

Does he think steakhouses are like the only awesome meals out there?

Does he drink only variations of beer, vodka, and tequila?


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About the author


Gary is the gay guy that every girl wants to be, and every guy wants to be with (Mostly because he can't get pregnant). He is based in Manhattan, but loves traveling to exotic new people, and sleeping with interesting new places. He is an adventurous writer, digital artist, and game designer that will try almost anything if it makes a good story.
--Instagram: @garyadrianrandall --Twitter: @gadrianrandall

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