Every six months or so, I start getting lonely, and I see all my friends finding boyfriends on eHarmony and Match, and I forget how much online dating sucks.
That’s what happened this week. I tried a new one this time: PlentyofFish.com.
At first, it was tons of fun. When you’re new, the guys swarm to you like teen girls to Forever 21. And some of them are actually cute! I like the system this site uses – you have access to the whole universe of users, not just ones that you match with based on a chemistry predictor test. There’s lots of different ways to search. You can look at the people who viewed your profile, or you can do a search for the exact type of person you’re looking for (5’10†or taller. Dark hair. Nonsmoker. Employed. Has car. Not married – you actually have to specify.).
But in a few days, the same thing happened to me that always does after a week of the endless emailing and chatting back and forth with random losers. I’ve had enough. Especially after last night. The guy I met up with stepped on my toe, causing it to bleed AND ruining my pedicure, “bought†me a drink that was actually tap water with a lemon in it masquerading as a fancy cocktail and told me to “open my own fucking door.†That’s him in the picture above.
The only good thing I got out of this experience was a few nuggets of sage advice from a guy who tried to pick me up – a self-professed serial online dater who claims to be writing a book about his online dating experiences.
What my PlentyofFish guy has to say about men who are on the dating Web sites:
I’m telling you, all these guys online are the same…married or not. Give me a little background about them and I will tell you exactly how your night will pan out. I’ll tell you a few things about these guys, not because I am anything like them, but because of the friends I have made. At one point I even had girls telling me about the same guys.
First, they are pretty much just out for themselves, what they can get out of it. They will date multiple random women and not care about their health, for one.  That means free for all vagina, no condoms required, because it gives them a sense of adventure. Each girl is a different adventure and story. The excitement of the chase…then when the date goes bad, they have this ego rejection, and have a huge fit, even to the point of psychotic tendencies.
If you’re gonna meet guys from any Web site, you’ll be dating guys who have already met and fucked most of your friends. As I said, these guys are out for themselves, dating multiple women, with a lot of secrets they won’t tell. They will be successful lawyers, teachers…handsome, nice guys. That’s just to lure you in. It’s crazy out there. I mean this city is fucked up.
I’m not taking everything PlentyofFish boy says as gospel, but I thought it was interesting enough to share for you single ladies doing the online thing. Good luck, and be safe!
Postdate: After I wrote this, I went out with one more guy on a date I had set up before I decided to go offline. It was great, and the guy seemed very nice and genuine.
