Chris Brown Makes Me Want to Go to Law School

Written by Bryce

Chris Brown pisses me off.  There, I said it.  The guy goes around beating his woman and getting tons of press for it, and at the end of the day has a crummy 5 year probation sentence.  It’s just not right.  Chris Brown will be out and about, making music and dancing around the free world while heroes of the music world like T.I. are forced to sit in a jail cell.  Correct me if I’m wrong, but T.I. is a good dude, a family man of sorts, and is full of good music.  Chris Brown has performed a few mostly-crappy songs about getting it on, love lost and found, etc.  T.I. has the vision to write songs about the value of money, and is a freakin’ genius when it comes to naming children.

I wish Chris would wipe that silly grin off his face…People Chris Brown

Let’s take a look at the facts.

Here’s what sh*tbomb Chris Brown has produced:

  • double platinum recordings
  • a waste of media time and effort
  • injuries all over Rihanna

Here’s what T.I. has produced:

  • Kids with names including Messiah Ya’Majesty, Domani Uriah, Clifford, Major Philant, Zonnique, and Deyjah.
  • Starred in the critically acclaimed movie ATL
  • multi-platinum albums
  • Starred in his own reality TV show
  • Has delightful lyrics
  • Makes me want to dance
  • Is a dapper dresser
  • Doesn’t beat women

So, I’m left with no choice but to go to law school.  SOMEONE out there needs to put assholes like Chris Brown away for several year sentences, and let geniuses like T.I. back into the real world.  A good friend of mine, who chose to remain unnamed, is a lawyer at a well-respected firm in NYC.  I asked him his thoughts on Chris Brown and T.I., and he responded, “It’s a fucking atrocity.  The good news is that Rihanna can now be mine, the bad news is that T.I. is still locked up and so even if I take Rihanna home tonight, I won’t be able to do her on my bed to some hot new T.I. jam.”


T.I.  …you’re an American hero.


About the author


Bryce Gruber is a Manhattanite mom who can be found jet-setting off to every corner of the globe. She loves exotic places, planes with WiFi, summer clothes, & Sucre brown butter truffles. Bryce's aim is to do to luxury what Elton John did to being gay. Follow her on twitter @brycegruber


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