Advice SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS

Five Reasons Not to Have Sex in the Ocean

sex in the ocean
Written by Gary

There are many reasons not to have sex in the ocean, the least of which is that you may get stuck together.

sex in the ocean

For those of you who troll The Internet like a Japanese businessman at a Manga convention, you may have recently seen the article about the couple getting stuck together while having sex in the ocean. For those of you who haven’t, you are reading it now.

An Italian couple, looking to have a little aquatic fun recently got stuck together while having sex in the sea. The suction caused them to stick together, and they had to go to an emergency room where the doctors gave the woman an injection to dilate her uterus, which was grasping onto her man’s junk, apparently.

Dear Italian man,

Marry this hoe.

Yours,

Gary

It did however, get me thinking about reasons you shouldn’t have sex in the ocean, since I am from Florida and have definitely done it before. Here are a few of my findings:

Salt water contains salt in case you didn’t know, and that is the opposite of a good lubricant. There will never be any reason for you to exfoliate the inside of your vagina.

Shrimp live in the ocean, and plankton is microscopic. Do you really want tiny creatures that look like crazy alien life forms swimming up your crevices?

Sharks.

The ocean is generally pretty wavy, so it’s pretty hard to get some good movement or balance going. Whoever coined the term ‘motion in the ocean’ wasn’t very astute.

Jellyfish live in the ocean. I know you are probably no stranger to a stinging vagina, but unless you have been wanting to give water sports a try, I suggest you let sex remain a dry land activity.

READ MORE: How to Grow a Potato Root Out of Your Vagina

Moral of the story: Even though ocean sex sounds super fun and wild, it really isn’t. You are better off finding a secluded spot on the beach, and then spending the rest of the day pulling grains of sand out of your snatch.

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About the author

Gary

Gary is the gay guy that every girl wants to be, and every guy wants to be with (Mostly because he can't get pregnant). He is based in Manhattan, but loves traveling to exotic new people, and sleeping with interesting new places. He is an adventurous writer, digital artist, and game designer that will try almost anything if it makes a good story.
--Instagram: @garyadrianrandall --Twitter: @gadrianrandall

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