I always hear girls talking about how all they want is a nice, respectable guy. Well I have news for you ladies, nice respectable guys are either:
a) Liars
b)Gay
c)Virgins with tiny penises
d)Hyper-Christian hicks
Each of these scenarios is equally bad for you, but for the sake of humor lets start from the bottom up.
Hyper-Christian hicks are corn-fed country boys who believe in nothing but serving their god, their country, and their woman. They may appear to be the perfect guy at first, but dump them in a big city, or anywhere that the majority of vaginas within a five-mile radius don’t belong to racoons and you will create a monster. There is nobody more sexually deviant than a fallen hyper-Christian- how do you think Satan created his army?
Virgins with tiny penises may treat you right, but a woman needs to feel something beyond her labias (from what I understand). Forgive me for saying so, but sometimes we all just need to get railed. A super-nice virgin will ride your vagina like a skateboard on ice. Besides, if you wanted to be a teacher you would have gotten a job at the University of Pheonix Online School for Lazy People.
Gay guys make great confidantes and shopping buddies, but they will run away from your vagina so fast it will turn inside out. Want to know what is more frustrating than a mammogram with inconclusive results? Trying to turn a gay guy.
Liars encompass most of the species, both male and female. I say this, because both men and women talk about how they want a nice partner. Then they realize that nice = boring and move on to the next. If people would just be honest with themselves and each other, relationships might work out a little more. We may think we want a nice person, but what we really want is something flawed, like ourselves. If we look past our own bullshit and admit our own flaws, then they become easier to recognize and accept in other people.
If you don’t believe me, think about this: You always bitch about how you want a nice guy, but are you really a nice girl? I bet my bottom tit that you aren’t. So go out there and find someone as fucked up as you are. Then, forgive them their flaws and have an awesome relationship.
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