Contrary to popular belief, dating a guy whose best friend is a dog isn’t all: “shirtless games of catch in the park” and “snuggling with cocoa on the couch while the dog licks your feet”. It also includes incredible experiences such as: “trying to scrape dog shit off the sidewalk in the rain” and “avoiding Lymes Disease while removing a tick with a lighter”.
My point is that even though guys with dogs are super hot, you should think twice before jumping into the role of girlfriend/dog-walker-by-proxy because it might be more responsibility than you are willing to handle.
Sharing the bedroom– Not only will you most likely have to sleep with a dog (which is Hell if the little bastard sheds and you prefer to wear black), but you may also encounter the experience of being watched while you have sex. If your boyfriend’s dog is especially excitable, you may even have to shoo him out of bed when he comes to defend his master from your blowjobs. In all honesty, it does look like you are about to bite his dick off, doesn’t it?
You love your shoes– Dogs love to chew on things, it’s a fact. If your boyfriend’s dog is well behaved, your Jimmy Choos might just survive the relationship. If not, your boyfriend is going to be shelling out a few hundies weekly for his puppy’s misdeeds. I have seen this issue arise in relationships, and the dog versus shoe argument is impossible to win, #trustme.
Sleepovers are hard– Dogs need to be walked every morning, so the chance of him sleeping over at your place on a weekend is slim. Even if you do manage to drug and rape him, in the morning he will still have to leave early to tend to his bestie. Compound this on top of the fact that he lives in Jersey fucking City, and you have a guaranteed relationship breaker.
Vacations are harder– Getting someone to watch your dog is relatively easy, but that involves a lot of trust and planning. Taking dogs on trips is expensive, and airlines and hotels are normally less than accommodating to our canine friends. If you are the type of girl who likes to leave town for monthly jet-setting binges, dating a dog owner probably isn’t going to work.
The breakup is even worse– Say you meet an amazing guy and his dog, and fall in love with both of them. You don’t even mind when the dog watches you drop a deuce, or when you have to wake up at 8 AM to walk him or her in the snow, then wash the frozen dirt dingleberries of his or her paws. Then one day for one reason or another, you break up. There are no visitation rights to his dog, and dropping by just to say hi (so you can play with the pooch) sends a lot of mixed signals that you probably don’t want. Breaking up with a dog owner is a super difficult thing, because dogs often quickly become family members, and being separated from any of your family members is a shitty thing to experience.
The moral of the story is, know what you are getting into when you are cruising around the dog park vagina-first.
Don’t bite off more dicks than you can chew.
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