Movies are not just the next best thing to having a boyfriend, they are actually better. Why? Because movies don’t talk back, they would love to be introduced to your bitchy mother, and all they want in the world is to pleasure you without expecting a blowjob in return after you have already had your fun.
During the winter, there is pretty much nothing better than curling up with a good movie on Netflix, whether you have a boyfriend or not. In celebration of that, here are a few things a movie can do, that a boyfriend can’t:
Sit in front of you with no judgment as you eat Haagen Dazs, cry, and fart inconspicuously.
Not only allow for, but provide you with several hot, juicy guys to fantasize about while you hump your body pillow at night.
Fit onto your jump drive, so it can go with you everywhere.
Easily adapt to your mood by being funny one minute, scary and dangerious the next, and sad and comforting towards the end.
Sit in complete silence while you and your girlfriends talk about the strangest dicks you’ve seen.
Be wherever you want, whenever you want, with the click of a button and no whining whatsoever.
Keep going for three hours without stopping once to recharge.
I believe I have proven my point. So grab the ice cream, queue up your Netflix, and spend your night watching Ryan Reynolds flex his Canadian he-breasts for no logical reason, whatsoever.
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