You may think, judging from the photo that this post is going to be a sweet commentary on the honeymoon phase and how to keep the spark alive in a relationship. Hint: Its not. Today we are going to talk about a few of the things you realize about your lover when the honeymoon phase of your relationship is over.
1. They aren’t perfect. You may have had them on a pedestal for the first 6 months, but that was before you realized their turds smelled like big-foots dick, covered in a diaper filled with Indian food. You may have thought their laugh was cute, but now you realize that it sounds like a cat being fucked by a chainsaw. After the honeymoon phase you realize your lover is an actual human being. And sometimes, it ain’t pretty.
2. You want to see your friends again. The only problem is, you no longer have any. We are all guilty of meeting someone and being so smitten that we literally sequester ourselves in a relationship bubble and hide from our friends like Britney Spears hides from exercise and a balanced diet. When they call or text we either ignore it or roll our eyes. Then the honeymoon phase ends and all we want to do is hang out with our girlfriends and talk about guys only to find out they have replaced us with someone who doesn’t get so easily dick-matized.
3. You realize you have changed. Then you realize you want to change back to who you were. Then you realize that you don’t know who that person is anymore. We all throw ourselves into love and do whatever it is we have to do in order to make that love work. After the honeymoon phase ends you probably realize how much you hate early morning runs, watching the game with a brewski, and giving 3 AM blow jobbers to prevent being sleep-raped. We make certain concessions for the sake of love, but when the honeymoon phase is over we realize that we have lost ourselves a little. So we have to go on a treasure hunt to find ourselves, and our lovers are not allowed to come (in any way, shape or form).
The end of the honeymoon phase happens to everyone. It is a reality check and often-times will make the relationship that much stronger. Sometimes, however, sweet honey turns to bitter bitchiness and you realize the reality of the shituation is that you would rather be alone. When the spark in your relationship fizzles out, sometimes its better to just let it die. Its called a honeymoon phase because just like honeymoons, it ends.
And it is also the only period where you will be having regular sex, FYI.
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