Sex Spotting: Children are the Opposite of Sex

Written by Gary

I don’t care what God says, the point of having sex is to have a good time. Yes, it may have uncomfortable side effects sometimes, such as itching, burning, and children, but at its core sex is something we all do because it feels good. If it was just meant for procreation, God wouldn’t have invented so many forms of contraception. I love children – so much so, that when I visit my family and hang out with my nieces and nephews I give them between 45 mins – 1 hour of Uncle Gary time before I pass them off to their respective mothers in favor of an 18 pack of Miller Lite. Children ruin sex for everyone. Here is why:

Sex is sticky in a good way. Children are sticky in a bad way.

There is no bigger boner-killer than a whining child, even though that makes me wonder why so many guys are sexually attracted to the fucking Kardashians (2 of them anyway).

Children require attention. Sex is something you do when you want to be distracted from everything except the act itself.

Children poop a lot. Ask anyone who has ever had anal sex (or anybody German) – there is really no way to get your groove back after feces enters the equation.

Children get to run around, acting on their emotions and creating mayhem and malarkey whenever they feel like it. They are 100% free creatures. Sex is one of the only ways we, as adults, can express that kind of unbridled primal behavior. The second you bring children around it cuts down on the amount of time we can really let go of learned societal behaviors and act on instinct, thus hampering our self-expression.

Moral of the story is, if you value yourself you should open your legs. But make a pact with yourself that you are only letting things go one way – In.

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About the author


Gary is the gay guy that every girl wants to be, and every guy wants to be with (Mostly because he can't get pregnant). He is based in Manhattan, but loves traveling to exotic new people, and sleeping with interesting new places. He is an adventurous writer, digital artist, and game designer that will try almost anything if it makes a good story.
--Instagram: @garyadrianrandall --Twitter: @gadrianrandall

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