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If you’re reading this right now, it means you’ve survived round one of the holiday season known as “Talking with Random Strangers/Family Members at Dinner”. How did it go? Were you cool, calm, and witty, or did you break down in mulled wine-induced paranoia from everyone cooing at the only baby in the room?
Whatever happened, I’ll bet you’ve at least considered how you might brush up on that favorite holiday past-time: small talk. And what’s a smaller thing to converse about than the weather? Sure, it seems simple and mundane. But compared to politics, religion, and your love life, simple and mundane is just what you need to get through these holiday things. So how can you take this conversation filler to the next level? Just because weather is the safe alternative to PRS doesn’t mean it doesn’t still need a stylized delivery. The next time you opt for this so-called easy brand of interpersonal fluff, remember these tips:
Work it well: Phone conversations with family members often start with the weather. And sometimes that’ll lead to a concerned grandpa or aunt sending you something to cope with the seasonal changes (remember, heat-controlled jackets weren’t around back in their days). Don’t shy away from getting really vivid about the excellent fall weather you’re experiencing, or how much of a shock it is since you’ve already put your warm weather clothes into storage. A few days later, and voila! How did grandma know you could use that light cashmere cardigan?
Use strategic tie-ins: Your boss might instigate a conversation about the weather from time to time, but she or he doesn’t actually care what you have to say about it. They care even less when the weather somehow impedes on your timely arrival to work. It’s best to keep all mention of the weather to a brief minimum, and if possible, tie it to a good omen e.g. This snow sure is something. Probably going to see a lot more fur coats at the dry-cleaner next door and that’ll mean more foot traffic out front. Good! for! business!
Toss in some personal history: When it comes to your neighbors or other strangers who live in close proximity, talking about the weather is like talking into a mirror: A lot of snow. Huh, that’s just what I was going to say! Pretty soon, six months has passed and one night, you’re stumbling in the building at 5 AM without keys, pants or a working battery in your phone. When you inevitably knock on your neighbor’s door for help, you’ll want to have made sure that their impression of you goes past the lovely cross-current breezes you mentioned getting in your bedroom. It’s helpful to link your thoughts on the weather back to childhood or other formative experiences. That way, they’ll a more fully-formed image of you, and not just the pantsless and pathetic you shivering outside their door.
Baby, it’s ___ outside: Some pseudo-sex scientist might say that a couple who resorts to talking about the weather will soon be experiencing their own emotional hailstorms. But that’s a wash! Have you heard Eartha Kitt’s version of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”? I think the weather is seriously underrated when it comes to the bedroom. What else are you going to do when you’re snowed in for the day? Consider this nature’s form of foreplay.
Never resort to complaints: When the weather gets extreme, people get crazy. They go on themed cruise ships to opposite climates, hole up in their homes with an expired pack of beer, and otherwise become madder versions of themselves. All of these behaviors can create tension between even the closest of pals. To avoid having your friendships stretched too far by the couch-crashing friend who forgot to pay their heat bill – or on the reverse – the friend who always manages to escape the weather, simply downplay everything. Exercise some devilish advocacy by claiming that negative degrees and high winds is “not that cold” to you. They’ll be impressed, and might be inspired to adopt your same nonchalant attitude.
